And here I am today, alive and well, celebrating my country's 63rd Independence Day. And nothing makes me prouder than the fact that I am Indian.
Happy Independence Day India and fellow Indians. To be honest, this doesn't count for those who keep finding faults in our country and would prefer going abroad because they think life isn't worth it here. Yes, I'm looking at you if you're one of them. One piece of advice, if you don't like it here, GO AWAY. There are millions like me who have a place called HOME here, who have found themselves in this country, who have proudly made being an INDIAN a part of their identity. Yes, there are millions like those and they're ready to kick you out of here if you can't appreciate it.
Yes, we have our imperfections. We are NOT perfect! But really WHAT THE FUCK, NEITHER ARE YOU! If there's nothing you can do to help, I'd rather have you shut up than blabber bloody cynical nonsense. And you know what, for those who can't believe things are going to change, whose hopelessness is anything but an encouragement, don't even have the right to wait and watch when the change comes along. Because its on its way.
There is a cordial warmth in this country. There is an essence of individuality. There is pride in being the most culturally diverse country in the world. There is a history that makes us salute those who have given up their lives for us to simply see a future that they couldn't. And most of all, there is a heritage where every single race, every single tribe, every single Indian can trace their origins to. If that's not something to be proud of, what is?
Happy Independence Day once again! :)
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Mellowing Down?
A week before my birthday party (the one I've been planning for AGES now), and I find myself mellowing down. Call it bad timing, but my best friend doesn't really like the idea. She expected more of a hyperactive response when she mentioned, "Shiiiiv, its finally happening!" Yes, I could hear the GRIN in her voice (for obvious reasons) but I was more like, "Ooookaaaayy! So what's up?"
Now, its not like I don't want to party. Because, OFCOURSE I do. My Sweet Sixteen, Unnati's Sexy Seventeen, 25 people, good music, good place (Getting Mannequin as the party venue was NOT easy)and unlimited beer and vodka (though we don't have much of a choice, and I DON'T drink) a chocolate truffle cake (Sigh, chocolate has always been such a weakness. *spaces out* *comes back to earth*), good food, and well Unnati and I have a lot to take care of at the party ( *Virtually looks at Unnati and grins* *Hi5 Anjalee, Puni, Sid and Nil who ALL will definitely make it, HOPEFULLY :S)
Do I need more reasons? Just in case, I have another. My first terms are on the way, and its going to be a while before I'll step out of my house again.. So the party has PERFECT timing. Now, yes, we're hoping it will be a good party. I have my doubts to be honest. I need to get so much off my mind, especially my bad academic performance in Chemistry (:|) that had me crying for hours three days back. And well I need more than just chilli flakes and oregano to spice up my life. And yes, I need more than just chocolate for good dessert after a dramatic main course. *BLAH*
Now, its not like I don't want to party. Because, OFCOURSE I do. My Sweet Sixteen, Unnati's Sexy Seventeen, 25 people, good music, good place (Getting Mannequin as the party venue was NOT easy)and unlimited beer and vodka (though we don't have much of a choice, and I DON'T drink) a chocolate truffle cake (Sigh, chocolate has always been such a weakness. *spaces out* *comes back to earth*), good food, and well Unnati and I have a lot to take care of at the party ( *Virtually looks at Unnati and grins* *Hi5 Anjalee, Puni, Sid and Nil who ALL will definitely make it, HOPEFULLY :S)
Do I need more reasons? Just in case, I have another. My first terms are on the way, and its going to be a while before I'll step out of my house again.. So the party has PERFECT timing. Now, yes, we're hoping it will be a good party. I have my doubts to be honest. I need to get so much off my mind, especially my bad academic performance in Chemistry (:|) that had me crying for hours three days back. And well I need more than just chilli flakes and oregano to spice up my life. And yes, I need more than just chocolate for good dessert after a dramatic main course. *BLAH*
Friday, August 13, 2010
To An Eternity That Ends With Us
A promise she had once made,
Time had stopped then,
In awe of her determination,
In fear of her power,
In respect of her dignity,
As every word inscribed itself in stone.
A promise she had once made,
To stay by my side.
And for an eternity that ends with us today,
I see her hand in mine.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This is what I wrote for Nilanjana, who probably makes my day every time she talks about Neil and herself. I've never been too good with poetry but Nil, I really hope you liked it! :) I Love You! :)
Time had stopped then,
In awe of her determination,
In fear of her power,
In respect of her dignity,
As every word inscribed itself in stone.
A promise she had once made,
To stay by my side.
And for an eternity that ends with us today,
I see her hand in mine.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This is what I wrote for Nilanjana, who probably makes my day every time she talks about Neil and herself. I've never been too good with poetry but Nil, I really hope you liked it! :) I Love You! :)
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Superstitiously Magical
I could hear her squeal with joy at the mention of her childhood sweetheart, see her jump in her happiness as she gripped both hands of her best friend, who shared a feeling of awe with her.
" My left eye just started behaving funny again. Its fluttering like a butterfly's wings. Oh goodness, I tell you, its meant to be. " The gush of breath that the girls let out then spelt excitement and anticipation. Well, her left eye had fluttered. She would be married to him wouldn't she? Or so everyone liked to believe. Especially her.
I smiled despite how silly I thought it was. The innocence of her wish, her desire to be with the one she's always loved touched me.
"He's coming day after tomorrow!!!" My Aunt exclaimed. "I just knew it. Crows seem to be making a nest in the balcony now-a-days. It's about time too. He's been away for a year and a half now." The news of my Uncle's arrival had been delivered by a crow. And so had mine. Atleast that's what I was given to understand. "Every morning a crow would look at me and start cawing." My mother had said. I had simply rolled my eyes and hugged her.
"My left hand seems to be too itchy. Where am I going to lose money?" My grumpy grandfather croaked irritably. "You woman keep a watch on your shopping escapades, I'm warning you. Money doesn't grow on a tree."
"Doesn't count for me, though. Ajay's business has been doing well these days. See, I can't seem to stop scratching my left hand. Ah! Women can be such good luck charms." My mother retorted.
I laughed silently at the senselessness of everything around me. I had never been a believer of God's signs in the form of dreams and animals at our doorstep. I had never believed in not saying particular things when we stepped out of the house for an important task. I didn't believe in not going to a temple on days we women were considered unclean, or stepping inside the kitchen without taking a shower. I didn't believe in any of it at all. Ironically, everybody else around me did. Good luck charms, protections against the evil eye, a ring for a good career and lots of money, I had none of it. Nor did I have the family jewel fitted in a pendant for success.
I sat down with my cup of milk and enjoyed the scene of a day in the life of a HUGE joint family that couldn't seem to stop trying to please the Almighty with prayers, or go to pandits for remedies to save the family business, or gurus who could teach their kids a spell to keep them away from distraction.
"You're up! Good! All washed up I believe." My grandmother sat down next to me eyeing the cup of warm milk in my hand.
"No, not really." I said casually.
The disgust on her face made me uncomfortable.
"You know the rules of the family, don't you? Or have you forgotten those too along with manners at how you're supposed to dress." I looked down at my pajama shorts. "Nevermind now. I won't tell anyone. Its only you're first day here after months. Go get washed up NOW and dress decently. The elders have been up for long now."
"But these shorts reach my knees." I said, exasperated at the thought of wearing jeans in the heat.
"What about the rest of your legs?"
I snorted and headed for my room upstairs. On the way, I decided on saying a quick hello to my cousin brother. Under the impression he was studying I was quiet as I closed the door of his room behind me. He was listening to something on the computer with his headphones on. I crept behind him wanting to surprise him. It was something I always did. He was 12 years younger to me and was like a baby brother.
"Booo" I laughed as he jumped and he looked at me with eyes wide open, trying to block the screen of the computer. "What are you hiding?"
"NOTHING. How.. How are you?" He was a nervous wreck I could tell.
"Oh whatever" I pushed him to one side and glanced at the screen for less than a second before bursting into fits of laughter. "Porn. Seriously. You haven't been saying Guruji's mantra everyday now, have you?"
You should have seen the guilt on his face! :P xD
" My left eye just started behaving funny again. Its fluttering like a butterfly's wings. Oh goodness, I tell you, its meant to be. " The gush of breath that the girls let out then spelt excitement and anticipation. Well, her left eye had fluttered. She would be married to him wouldn't she? Or so everyone liked to believe. Especially her.
I smiled despite how silly I thought it was. The innocence of her wish, her desire to be with the one she's always loved touched me.
"He's coming day after tomorrow!!!" My Aunt exclaimed. "I just knew it. Crows seem to be making a nest in the balcony now-a-days. It's about time too. He's been away for a year and a half now." The news of my Uncle's arrival had been delivered by a crow. And so had mine. Atleast that's what I was given to understand. "Every morning a crow would look at me and start cawing." My mother had said. I had simply rolled my eyes and hugged her.
"My left hand seems to be too itchy. Where am I going to lose money?" My grumpy grandfather croaked irritably. "You woman keep a watch on your shopping escapades, I'm warning you. Money doesn't grow on a tree."
"Doesn't count for me, though. Ajay's business has been doing well these days. See, I can't seem to stop scratching my left hand. Ah! Women can be such good luck charms." My mother retorted.
I laughed silently at the senselessness of everything around me. I had never been a believer of God's signs in the form of dreams and animals at our doorstep. I had never believed in not saying particular things when we stepped out of the house for an important task. I didn't believe in not going to a temple on days we women were considered unclean, or stepping inside the kitchen without taking a shower. I didn't believe in any of it at all. Ironically, everybody else around me did. Good luck charms, protections against the evil eye, a ring for a good career and lots of money, I had none of it. Nor did I have the family jewel fitted in a pendant for success.
I sat down with my cup of milk and enjoyed the scene of a day in the life of a HUGE joint family that couldn't seem to stop trying to please the Almighty with prayers, or go to pandits for remedies to save the family business, or gurus who could teach their kids a spell to keep them away from distraction.
"You're up! Good! All washed up I believe." My grandmother sat down next to me eyeing the cup of warm milk in my hand.
"No, not really." I said casually.
The disgust on her face made me uncomfortable.
"You know the rules of the family, don't you? Or have you forgotten those too along with manners at how you're supposed to dress." I looked down at my pajama shorts. "Nevermind now. I won't tell anyone. Its only you're first day here after months. Go get washed up NOW and dress decently. The elders have been up for long now."
"But these shorts reach my knees." I said, exasperated at the thought of wearing jeans in the heat.
"What about the rest of your legs?"
I snorted and headed for my room upstairs. On the way, I decided on saying a quick hello to my cousin brother. Under the impression he was studying I was quiet as I closed the door of his room behind me. He was listening to something on the computer with his headphones on. I crept behind him wanting to surprise him. It was something I always did. He was 12 years younger to me and was like a baby brother.
"Booo" I laughed as he jumped and he looked at me with eyes wide open, trying to block the screen of the computer. "What are you hiding?"
"NOTHING. How.. How are you?" He was a nervous wreck I could tell.
"Oh whatever" I pushed him to one side and glanced at the screen for less than a second before bursting into fits of laughter. "Porn. Seriously. You haven't been saying Guruji's mantra everyday now, have you?"
You should have seen the guilt on his face! :P xD
Dear Diary
I'm so afraid of losing out on what I have that I can hardly let go. The problem is I keep too many things too close to my heart. Probably because I appreciate it too much or maybe because I've recognized the universal fact of individuality that I am what I am because of the people and things around me.
Its so hard to let go off myself, to loosen that suffocatingly tight grip I have on myself, so much so that the painful relief just brings along a sense of insecurity. Guess its time to give myself a chance again.
Its so hard to let go off myself, to loosen that suffocatingly tight grip I have on myself, so much so that the painful relief just brings along a sense of insecurity. Guess its time to give myself a chance again.
Because..
Because my best can never be good enough.
Because there'll always be someone who surpasses me.
Because my efforts can never be appreciated, maybe they don't count at all.
Because I can neither be what others have thought of me, nor what I think I can be.
Because I am a disappointment to myself.
Because I am a disappointment to those who believe in me.
Because there'll always be someone who surpasses me.
Because my efforts can never be appreciated, maybe they don't count at all.
Because I can neither be what others have thought of me, nor what I think I can be.
Because I am a disappointment to myself.
Because I am a disappointment to those who believe in me.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
14 likes on this facebook status! xD
Me: Ding Dong Bell, Pussy's in the Well. *Boys around me jump into the well* Me : *shouts into the well* Haven't you heard that nursery rhyme before, dumbfucks?!
Weird Dreams
I had a dream last night. I was driving in the rain with my friends and the car broke down. All my friends had to get off and push the car. As they were pushing, the car started and I accidently pressed the accelerator too much and went off with them running behind it! LMAO!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
The Dark
The Dark can be BEAUTIFUL. I've lived pleasant memories in it. Its the unseen face of secrecy, its the rustle of whispers barely heard, its the touch of someone else's emotion, its home to the friend you have in you. I look up to see this beauty crash with its beastly side. I can hear the black hole of the other side trying to suck in all the pleasantness. I am too repelled to be drawn into the mouth of hell and so I walk towards the light. Knowing where to find it again, knowing the treasures it holds, knowing that it will always be, I walk back into the beauty of the dark when I've had a little too much of the light.
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