I need to get away...

The ambiguity of my emotions is now getting to me. Life is a blur. Its like I'm speeding ahead in the tunnel of time. trying to catch up with minutes yet to come, trying to grab on to every second I can, just so that I can tell myself that I made the most of all the time I had. But is that what's happening? Am I really making the most of my time? Today, I have to find time for myself; Plan 5 hours, 5 minutes, 5 seconds that I can give to myself and what I love doing. I don't know what I've become because apparently the way people look at me has changed. They see me as someone I don't recognize. I've seen people change... Change so much in so little time that now its almost impossible to even compare the people they were and have now become. So much so, I don't know who I've thrown out of my life. Time heals all wounds. But I've never heard of it filling the voids in one's life. Sometimes they just become deeper, as we realize the importance of a presence we never really acknowledged in the first place. The problem is, I don't know what created the void in my life.

I'm speeding ahead in the tunnel of time. trying to catch up with minutes yet to come, trying to grab on to every second I can.. I just hope, I don't stop dead in my tracks one fine day and realize that what I've missed out on, is too far behind. I need to slow down.. I need to get away...

I need a drug...

Rage erupted from the depths of my very soul and bitterness held my mind in its negativity. My heart was beating curses as it pounded against the walls of my chest, almost ready to shatter my rib-cage into a million pieces of hatred and disgust. My blood, hot with the fire inside, was rushing to my head, burning away my power to think and act. I felt as if I had been standing in the sun, at noon, in the peak of summers, only that it was the middle of the night in December. I didn't want to forgive; I didn't want to forget. The urge to hurt something, someone.. anything, anyone.. made my hands shiver as if trying not to be manipulated into atrocities by the murderous chain of violent incidents of my past, that seemed to be clouding my thoughts of maddening havoc. I held the syringe and pierced my skin, pushing the last drop of sweet poison into my bloodstream, craving the paralysis of my body, mind and soul to step into a world of delusion of my own sub-conscious making. I beseeched to momentarily live in a universe parallel to ours, only different for me. I wanted to feel closer to God or Satin or whoever it was that I thought I believed in. I wanted to feel invisible to the creation around. Once again, I was gratified by the only prayer that was ever answered and I regarded the presence of an almighty that was there to save us and give us what we wanted. I fell to the ground. I was where I wanted to be...

Once,,

Only a couple of pages left before 'The End'.. Then I can finally put the book down and let the dust settle on it. I'm never reading THAT one again. Some things just happen once...

A thought...

Hanging in the midst of nowhere, something that didn't go anywhere, only to be strung back again, with knots in the middle of evenness. Things were never the same again...

.....

Its ironic how there are people who think that everything falls into place eventually and choose to do nothing about anything, while there are those who are more than willing to take things into their hands and shape the outcomes of life. The first I feel is a sign of weakness. The second just shows how involved you are with your own life and how you want to lead it.

I'm not afraid to cry..

Sometimes you don't cry and see yourself in the mirror as someone who just lost but someone who discovered that he can survive, he can feel, he can wish, he can hope, he can hate, he can love, he can move on and let the muted pandemonium of his thoughts answer every question asked. Atleast you COULD cry. I don't how my inner self would speak if the tears dried up... I'm not afraid to cry.