It wasn't long before we both realized that we didn't have the energy to keep the war of the pillows going on. Breathless we both fell back on the bed laughing realizing the fact that we hadn't really grown up. We still had that playful edge, still lived as if we were the teenagers brought up in Delhi, the city we both were in love with. Far away from the city, we realized how much we missed it. We missed the people and the sense of being SOMEONE. And thats why no matter what, every year we made our way back home to be with the people who weren't here with us today but never the less, very important. Rashi had married earlier last year. 23.. and married. God knows when she would give me THE call about her pregnancy and freak me out. Kids, marriage... I didn't need them any time soon.
" Wouldn't it have been so much more fun had Rashi been here. And Sana, I miss her. Sometimes I just wish I could hear that snort and laugh until my insides hurt. "
Just thinking about it made us laugh.
" I know what you mean. I feel so sorry for Rashi. Forced to marry someone you've only known for 6 months and are not attracted to one bit. How did she do it? I would have run away. And when we were there all the time, why did she? She could have run away, lived here, worked and fallen in love with someone... But now its all over. She's THERE, looking after a huge family and we're HERE. "
" I know right? "
Silence fell and we both realized how much we missed her. I suddenly got up and grabbed my phone.
" What are you doing, vani? "
"Calling Rashi.. "
Anjalee jumped up eagerly.
" I was just - "
"Shh.. its ringing.."
" Hello" , said a familiar voice.
" HEEEEY " Anjalee and I both screamed into the phone.
" Arrrreeey! Shiv... Long life man. I was just thinking about you. Who's with you? " Her voice was breaking but I could still make out what she was saying.
"Who else, Anjalee. Sid and Natascha are moving in next week. "
" Call me a whore, but I'm jealous. I can;t believe I'm missing out on this. This was something I hoped I'd be doing with you. You guys left me here doing nothing. Not even my husband " She laughed, but something about what she said didn't sound right.
"What do you mean? " I asked, clearly seeing through the poor joke.
" Well what do you think I mean. The guy is impotent. And there is nothing I can do about it. I'm trying to make this work but I can't. " She laughed again. But not because it was funny.
" Rashiii, What do you mean? Are you kidding? Impotent? Didn't you know about this before? Why didn't you tell me? WTF? "
" What did you want me to say? I'm 25 and married to this son of a bitch I can't have sex with. Completely the opposite of where the rest of you are. Sana knows though. I can't leave the house, I'm not allowed to so Sana comes over whenever she can, but that about it.... " Rashi keeps talking and I can hear the desperation, the hurt, the longing to get back to a life that she once had. I didn't stop her. I just listened. I needed to know what was going on. I needed to know, what had happened. My friend needed me.
" ... and now I don't know what to do, where to go, how to get away. The frustration just keeps crashing down on me. He takes it out on me. He wants to have kids, and his fault we can't and I'm the one with the problem? " Her voice broke on the last word and I could tell that she was in tears. I felt guilty for having left her that way. But I could change that. I could fix things.
" STOP CRYING! You should have told me before. I cannot believe you didn't tell me. I warned you before you were doing this? Am I the only practical one out here? Listen to me, listen good. You are going to get out of this-"
"Its not as easy as you think it is. I can't just leave."
"Who said you can't? And look who' talking? You? Is the same girl who kicked guys' balls and cursed them till they went crying to their mothers? Is this YOU? Do your parents know about this? "
"Yeah! "
"And?"
"And what? They want me to stay like this. They can't do anything. They don't want to"
"What do you mean? Well, if they aren't I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING! Book yourself a flight to LA now. I mean it. I don't care. If you don't want anyone to find out, I'll do it. I'll book the flight. But whatever you're coming. You need a break. Leave them a letter and just walk out."
"You actually mean that?"
"You think I'm joking? "
There was one of those rare awkward silences and I could tell that Rashi was seriously considering the idea. Anjalee had heard everything and already started working on booking her flight.
"Listen Rash, I don't care but Anjalee is booking your flights right now. The earliest ones available are in 2 weeks. You better be ready. You don't need to pack if you can't. Just get your passport ready." Print out the tickets online. I'm sending them to your email id. "
" Shiv, wait. What if things gets fucked up when they find out. "
" I'm sure they will get fucked up. First they'll tell your parents and then call the police and then my house. And finally they'll know you're here. But we'll look after that later. This is your choice. There is nothing they can sue you for. And this is not about your family. Its about YOU! Just get here. "
" You're right. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before. I was just so embarrassed, I felt so stupid for doing this. I should have listened to you before. I was SO stupid. "
" You're not forgiven for that having told me before. We were supposed to be best friends. But you can make up for it by just coming here. And if you want we can go and get Sauzano for you. "
I heard her laugh for the first time in so long. And I felt relieved.
"Shiv, I've booked the tickets. we'll have to go to the Emirates office in town and make the payment for the tickets. If you're busy I can go alone." Anjalee said.
" Rash, tickets ki printout zaroor nikal lena. bhoolna mat"
"Listen, I'll call you to tomorrow"
" Yeah Okay, I'll wait for your call. And by the way, thanks"
"Did you just thank me? For what? Being your friend? I always was, will always be. "
" Bye" I can hear the smile in her voice. I cut the line.
*********
When I lay back at night I couldn't believe what a day it had been. Anjalee, Him, and most importantly Rashi. I was tried and my eyes were closed and I couldn't tell if I were awake. I was thinking in my dream probably. But whatever I couldn't stop thinking. I felt guilty for not having taken the stand for Rashi before. She needed me then too, I just couldn't see it. How could I not see that she wasn't sure of what she was doing. She was plunging into something she didn't understand, didn't want to do, couldn't handle. But she did it anyway because she just wanted to please the people who always seemed so disappointed in her. I realized that she didn't want one more expectation that she would have to live up to. She didn't realize that it was wrong on their part to expect things that they knew she couldn't do. Rashi was probably one of the most talented girls I had met. She never had the opportunity to use that talent and turn into skill. Football, dance, art... This was what she was meant for. This was what she needed to do. I could see it in her artistic interpretations of belief. Her paintings helped us understand what she couldn't say or write down. She needed to show that to people. To other people out there who valued her work more and found themselves in it to. And LA was her best shot at it. I needed to get her out of what she thought she was in forever.
I tried to make that my last thought and sleep peacefully for the rest of the night, to stop thinking and fall into thoughtless sleep. And as I was nearing something like that I took off from somewhere I had left earlier that morning.
" The obsession... Still my problem. But I've found a way to control that. Keep the passion going that gets me so obsessed. I think I've learned how to give things my best shot. No matter how impossible I think it might be to get where I want to be. "
I was quiet for some time. There was nothing I could actually say to that.
"I'm glad. Anyway, you're in Latin America and I haven't seen you dance even once. Please tell me you took salsa lessons. There's no point in being here if you cant mambo, salsa, tango.. or ballroom I would say. "
"Is that a way of asking me to dance with you? "
"No.. Not actually. I don't really make the first move with a guy "
"Hmmm... well, good, because I wasn't going to dance with you." he teased again.
"Don't worry, I wasn't going to either. I am instantly repelled by men with testosterone problem." I teased back. He laughed remembering how I had always teased him about not being a normal man with normal hormones.
I looked around the room for a while and made eye contact with a young spanish man sitting at the other end of the room. Ofcourse Kavit noticed.
"Is it just me or you're inviting him over."
"I'm inviting him over. I want to dance. And this is why I'm here. "
"Are you?" he said, looking at me and then the dress.
"Any doubt? And the dress... Who said you can't have the chocolate and eat it too?"
The man came over and offered me to take his left hand.
"Yo ofrzco algo de tomar primero, pero creo que tengo que hacer primero sed." He winked.
" Me gusta la forma de pensar. " I said, taking his hand.
The music changed and my favorite latino track started playing. It was a fast track by the end of which I always had to take a break. I hoped they would play the whole song because the end was the best. The man gave me a strong lead and I could tell that he wasn't into cuban salsa. The music was playing with my head and my multiple rope turns made it difficult to think about anything else. The song ended at there was a small pause before the next one started. The end was perfect. I ended with the hook and was breathless.
I stood up straight again, and the man introduced himself.
"mellamo Jose. Creo que se podria utilizar una copa. "
" Shivangi.. Si, En eso tienes razon. " learning languages definitely had its advantages.
We made our way through the number of people who had crowded the dance floor to get their feet moving to the last song. Just as I was about to sit down on the bar stool next to Jose, I felt a strong hand grab mine and lead me back to the dance floor. Surprisingly it was Kavit.
"You know, I'm in latin america. No point being here if I can't dance. Just thought that I should make the visit worthwhile." He grinned.
"I don't think Jose would like that, you know."
"Too bad I don't care."
"Uh huh" Thats all I said trying to judge the kind of dancer he was. It was something I loved doing. Everyone showed their personality traits in the way the danced. One step too far could mean that you were afraid of closing the distance, one too close meant that you wanted to play and have fun.
Okay, he was a good dancer too? Funny, how I didn't really know that. So one more thing he was good at. He didn't have a strong lead, meaning that he gave the girl her space to do what she wanted. I could tell that he was a beginner because he kept messing up the cross lead, but it was very noticeable. His styling was more LA than cuban so I couldn't tell what kind of salsa he had been learning. The song didn't last too long. At the end of it, he looked over my shoulder at his friend who was on his way out.
"I think you should go. And I think I should get back to Jose."
"Yeah.. The poor chap must be really confused right now."
"Your fault."
"I don't regret it."
I smiled. " Nice meeting you again. "
"Yes, I would have to agree."
"I still have you on facebook. Catch you online, probably. Hopefully"
"Maybe"
I turned around and walked away.
Right there, I fell asleep into thoughtless sleep. AT LAST!
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