"You're on cold bitch you know? Or should I say slutty? "

I turned around, despite knowing who the voice belonged to.

" And what are you, one faithful horndog? "

He looked at me with an expression half amused.

" I thought you'd have something better to say. Looks like apart from the skill to flirt or answer back you never really had anything to credit. And tsk tsk.. looks like you're losing that too, hun."

My blood boiled and my ego snapped with a sound only audible to me but loud enough to make me feel like my insides were buzzing.

" Actually, I thought, sympathizing with you would have been a good new year resolution to live up to. Or I would have said I thought you'd have a bigger penis to work on but I guess you didn't have that either. I forced myself to work with what you had, which was close to nothing. You must give me my fair share of credit, because though I had other outlets, I kept yours open for your sake. Now I didn't say that did I? "

I smiled and turned around slowly, looking him in the eye the whole time. His friends "Ooohhed", adding to my sense of victory and at the same time giving good background music to the whole scene. It felt good. I felt good for a change. But despite the sense of relief, a feeling of anger and hurt lurked in the corners of my heart and mind, making it difficult to let the relief seep into the very depths.

Goddamnit, it had been four months and I still couldn't let go of what had happened. my inner voice argued with me, tried to calm me. Its not you're fault. It was two years.

It had been four months since I had found out that, I was being cheated on. Now when I thought of it, I feel like I was stupid to not have seen it at all. My inner voice spoke again.

She was your best friend. Ofcourse you wouldn't have realized. Ofcourse, you didn't think it could be true.

But it was so obvious. Why hadn't i see this?

Because... Because... Even that voice couldnt argue with that.

I walked on, anger evident in my eyes. The only part of me that could never lie.

Prerna followed quietly, not knowing what to say. I didn't want her to either and maybe she got that. Or maybe she didn't.

" You know, you have to stop letting someone get the best of you like that. You told me once, that-

"What I said doesn't apply to me. And even if it does, I don't think it makes it better."

"Stop it.. Stop thinking about it so much. I know its hard-

"THATS NOT VERY GOOD ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE. What are you trying to do? Fuck me all over again, reminding me, that you know I'm not over it-"

" I can't believe you said that. "

"Well didn't I just say it? Believe it because its very believable and -

"You think I don't understand? Well, why don't you give me the chance to. Stop pushing everyone out. Stop pushing ME out. Don't let him do this to you-

I didn't want to hear it. I opened the door of the car and would have slammed it shut had not

been for the strong hands that stopped it.

I didn't have to look up to see who they belonged to.

"You can't just ignore me forever, can't keep getting away after saying all that."

"Oh yeah? Watch me!"

I yanked the door to slam it shut but it didn't budge.

"Don't you understand? Like at all? Why I'm provoking you? Didn't you get the hint? Didn't you

think that maybe its because I want to talk to you? MAKE THIS BETTER FOR YOU. FOR US."

His voice got louder with every word.

"You know, you're not the only one who can shout. And US? There IS no US. There never truly

was. Stop trying to get back into my life. I don't have place for you. And to be honest, there never

was any-"

"You don't mean that" He was right. I didn't. But I wasn't going to let him know that.

"You can keep telling yourself that. And would you please let go off the door. I have half a mind

to jam your fingers between the closed door and drag you at 80." though I'm not in the drivers

seat, I added only to myself.

He instantly let go and Prerna backed out of the parking lot as I stared the black pumps that

complimented my wine colored dress. My vision blurred and i tried to gulp down the chaos of

rage and hurt that had now surfaced.

"It was a mistake", he'd said. "And I'm sorry. I was drunk and I had no idea what was going on.

She was there, I was there, and then... it.. it..ttt j..just just.. just happened. CAN YOU PLEASE

SAY SOMETHING?"

I hadn't said anything. I tried to control those tears but I couldn't. one overflowed and the others

followed.

"Don't cry. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. " His voice was softer and he tried to

reach over and touch me. I moved away.

"DON'T. TOUCH. ME." His hand fell back as I gathered the strength to just say it and walk away.

I sat like that for a few minutes and took a deep breath to calm my voice.

"I don't think I need to say this, but I will anyway. ITS OVER. I got up and my legs were a little

shaky because of the rubber like feeling in my limbs.

"Don't say that.. I know you don't mean it. I know you don't. You're just mad. You'll.. g..g..get ov...v..v..ver it."

" Well believe it or not. I. MEAN. IT. Read my lips, because this is exactly, what I'm saying-"

For one second I thought he'd gotten the meaning of what I'd said wrong. He took one quick and

kissed me and I couldn't stop him for a while. I didn't want to. But I was being unfair to myself.

I pushed him back and he fell 2 steps back.

"NEVER. DO. THAT. AGAIN."

It had been four months. And every single day after that, I found ways of forcing myself back to

the person I was before I had met him. I took it too far, actually. I felt so used that I found peace

in having a new guy wake up in my bed every now and then. The same bed I would wake up in next

to him everyday. Everyday, I got up telling myself that this was better than having him, that I

didn't need him anymore, but every now and then I needed to find that reassurance that I knew

didn't exist, that I would have to wake up again the next morning to tell myself again.